Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I got inside last night via doggy door
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
