Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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