4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
whose parrot is this?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
