We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
