so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Randomize