i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
