smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
