My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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