Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
