It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
