yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
