He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
