life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
