Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
