I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
