I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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