Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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