her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
