i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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