Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Randomize
