she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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