How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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