and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
