this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just invented taco cereal.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
