Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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