just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
