Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
should my penis look like a turkey
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
