i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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