ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
