Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
