I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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