put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm bleeding and have questions
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
