Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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