i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
