i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Never underestimate the power of titties
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize