I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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