Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
