Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
