i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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