Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
