MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
