I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
