Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
