just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
