Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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