Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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