Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
