If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
When are your genitals available?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
