Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
