He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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