I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
