if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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