Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Send help, water and tortillas.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
