Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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