im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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