i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
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