I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I need to calm my uterus...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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