I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
