i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
