im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
