so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Randomize
