He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
