You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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