Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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