Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
