Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
