so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
