Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
