Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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