I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
