Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
