we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
