Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
