did you get engaged???
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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