Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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