make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
