i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Randomize
