if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
