VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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