I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
