Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
