I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
