what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
