Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You work out of a Hotel?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
