fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
