omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
