I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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