ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
