Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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