You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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